Funnies

1. Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: The
Gate of Heaven." Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please use
other entrance."

2. Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma AZ,
says that the best prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please make me the kind of
person my dog thinks I am."

3. A woman went to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

"What denomination?" asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to
this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic ones."

4. During a children's sermon, Rev. Larry Eisenberg asked the children what
"Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means tha-tha-tha-
that's all 'folks!'"

5. A student was asked to list the Ten Commandments in any order. His answer?
"3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7."

6. I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up to me,
grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the
sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went
to Heaven," I replied. My son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw
him back down?"

7. Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip, tells of a time
when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how
do you know what to draw?" I said, "God tells me." Jeffy said, "Then why do
you keep erasing parts of it?" (Looks like the basis for a sermon to me.)

8. After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: "When I grow up,
I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but
why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever
had."

9. My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-
year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't
know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife
said. Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I
invite all these people to dinner?"